Booty Patrol, sausage slinger & 'butt naked' driver lead wackiest Florida Man stories of 2023
ORLANDO, Fla. - Florida Man: An enigma wrapped in a cloak of unpredictability filled with a range of audacious antics and a dash of inexplicable charm. This past year saw no shortage of Florida Man stories, and FOX 35 is here to remind you what everybody's favorite character was up to in 2023.
Like Taylor Swift, Florida men seemingly go through eras – and this roundup aims to encapsulate all of them. We have Florida Man (Road Rage Version), Florida Man ('How Did I Expect To Get Away With This?' Version) and even Florida Man (Naked Version), to name a few.
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Perhaps one of the most memorable stories of 2023 was that of the "Booty Patrol." Yes, you read that right.
An 18-year-old from Bradenton was slapped with criminal charges after the DeSoto County Sheriff's Office caught him with a pickup truck that was allegedly decked out nearly identical to that of a U.S. Customs and Border Patrol vehicle. But instead of "Border Patrol," the truck had decals that said "Booty Patrol."
Gabriel Luviano-Renteria is being charged with unlawful use of a police badge and unlawful use of blue lights after a post from deputies about his truck went viral.
Photo: DeSoto County Sheriff's Office
This wouldn't be a Florida Man roundup without a Publix mention.
One man was arrested back in November after he allegedly stole his Chili's coworker's wallet and used her credit card to buy a pumpkin and beer from Publix. Deputies eventually found that pumpkin on his front porch, and yes, the pumpkin was seized as evidence.
Photo: Charlotte County Sheriff's Office
On a more ostentatious note, one Florida man was arrested for allegedly pooping on a dead possum on the street during rush hour. We'll just leave that one there.
Florida Man does leave room for Florida Tourist, though, and one made waves in St. Pete Beach. A 23-year-old man from Pittsburgh was arrested for disorderly intoxication after he allegedly "sexually molested" a manatee statue at a restaurant after he was asked to leave. He also reportedly threw gator nuggets into the restaurant.
While we're not sure why exactly that happened, a few other Florida men can shed some light on their own alleged crimes.
Like one guy who allegedly smothered his nephew's meatball sandwich with eyedrop solution because he "hated him" that day, or another who's accused of punching another because he was playing his music too loudly. There's also a man who was allegedly caught with over 180 grams of weed because he was "just trying to make some money," and a 73-year-old who allegedly killed his landlords over "problems" with plumbing and electricity repairs.
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Bass Pro Shops fish thief at large after allegedly swiping live tarpon from Florida store's pond, deputies say
A man is accused of walking into Bass Pro Shops, grabbing a net, snatching a live tarpon from the pond and leaving the store, deputies said.
MORE: Florida man burglarizes house after homeowner lets him in for a beer, deputies say
Some Florida men, however, couldn't provide an ample explanation as to why they did what they allegedly did. For example, one man said he was "hearing voices," and that's why he allegedly robbed a Dollar General store twice in two days. Another said "bad dreams" were to blame for allegedly damaging his future brother-in-law's car, while another said a cult "told him to" drive circles in a church parking lot and subsequently flee arrest, according to deputies.
Incidents involving cars and road rage seemed to be prevalent in 2023, like one Florida man who allegedly pulled a switchblade on moms in the school carpool line, or a man who cut off a 17-year-old and allegedly punched him in the face.
There was also a man who allegedly backed his car over a staff member at an event after he was kicked out, and a few other men who allegedly flung rocks at cars and even whipped out a sword.
Speaking of swords, Florida man yielded, err, interesting choices of weapons in 2023. We reported men allegedly throwing a sausage, hurling a pack of Oreos, chucking a spicy Nashville hot chicken and flinging a cup of hot coffee. And that just covers the food. Some men allegedly armed themselves with machetes, garden hoses, walking canes, hatchets and even a BBQ grill.
If you thought that was out of the ordinary, men in the Sunshine State chose to really take in the vitamin D by allegedly committing crimes in the buff. One man – who made it a point to yell "I am butt naked" while allegedly leading deputies on a high-speed chase – was only wearing socks and a small covering around his waist when he did it. Someone else allegedly exposed himself to deputies, while another man allegedly threatened to kill his neighbors while standing naked in the middle of the street.
There's also another guy whose pants continued to fall down from his waist while being arrested for shoplifting from Target.
If you're wondering how these men thought they could get away with these, keep reading for more. Yes, there's more.
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To start us off, we have a 20-year-old who allegedly broke into a gas station, stole a few things but then left his debit card with his name on it behind. He told deputies that he left the card behind so he could go back and pay later.
Another man in Ocala was accused of going on a crime spree, including breaking into a woman's home, stealing her car and crashing it. He then allegedly tried to carjack a woman while she was in the Starbucks drive-thru, but he was quickly apprehended.
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Bodycam: Man tries to carjack woman at Starbucks
A suspect wanted for breaking into a woman's home and stealing her car tried to carjack another driver in a Starbucks drive-thru, according to Ocala Police Department. Two good Samaritans stepped in to help slow down the suspect, police said. Ocala police released dashcam and bodycam from the incident.
Fast food restaurants seem to have played a role in some Florida man stories, like one guy accused of unsuccessfully robbing a Wendy's, or another who tried to pay for his McDonald's order with a fake $100 bill, according to deputies. There's also the story of a man who got a Waffle House tattoo, but then allegedly refused to pay for it.
MORE: Florida man hides in McDonald's trash compactor after fleeing traffic stop: deputies
Some Florida men were more scared of their wives than law enforcement, though. Take one man's alleged drunk escapade at a local pool who cursed deputies out because they told his wife what happened. Or how one man's estranged wife also turned him in after he allegedly made a pipe bomb and left it at a car wash.
Other men, however, weren't alone when it came to allegedly committing crimes. A couple was arrested after they decided to have sex on the side of a road because it "was always a dream," and another man and woman teamed up to dupe a man on a date, allegedly slashing his throat and throwing him over a bridge in the process.
Of course, there's only so much Florida Man we can include – so here's to 2024.