Ways to reduce stress & declutter your mind

HOUSTON - Stress can show up in our lives in many different ways, including stress that permeates familial, work and romantic relationships.

After a bad breakup, Shirin Etessam describes herself as being stuck in a black hole. She says it took her six years to get out of it, while learning to recognize a major source of stress in her life.

"One of the biggest ‘aha’ moments that I had in my process is when I realized that I am not my thoughts. Me having thoughts instead of thoughts having me," she says.

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She is finally sharing the fast-track version of the process in her book, "Free to Be: A Six-Week Guide to Reclaiming Your Soul."

"Instead of doing our best to make our environment stress-free, it's really important to concentrate on ourselves because we can't control others or necessarily our environment, but we can control and regulate ourselves," says Etessam.

Her stress-coping strategies include spending six minutes a day purging negative thoughts and concerns, releasing them from your mind and onto paper.

"I'm a huge advocate of play," she adds. "There's many different ways of playing, even if you're at work. For example, you could bring your childhood book along and read a few pages of it in between your meetings. It rewires one's brain."

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She also says gratitude helps rewire the brain by adjusting our perception of the world and how we approach our days.

"It's sort of like when one falls in love, and you're just full of energy and full of life. That's really how we should retrain, reframe our brains to meet our day to day," says Etessam. "Like any relationship, it's not easy, but how we meet it, and how we relate to it makes all the difference."

She adds that figuring out the source and type of stress you are dealing with can help you choose the right approach to address it.

"I have a very quick exercise for people to find out whether a relationship or a situation is stressful or beneficial to you. When you meet a person or you step in this situation, check in with yourself, in with your heart, and see if your heart is contracting or expanding, and you'll have your answer," she explains.

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Etessam visualizes mastering self-regulation in the midst of stress as the epic "No Man's Land" scene in the 2017 movie "Wonder Woman."

"I kind of have this vision of Wonder Woman moving through the battlefield. It's like things are exploding around her, and she's just walking through being her awesome self and saving the world."

She quickly adds, "You don't have to save the world, but save yourself."

For more stress-related strategies, Etessam's books will be available on Amazon on June 20, 2023.