What is a weekend marriage? Is it for you?

The economic downturn combined with concerns surrounding bank collapses and household debt climbing has spurred couples to discuss their financial future. In this climate, more and more people commute great distances for a satisfying career, opening an opportunity for married couples to entertain the idea of living apart and enjoy their marriage on the weekends. While the situation isn’t ideal, it does come with some advantages, and if you are raising a family and working a great job, moving for your partner’s career advancement isn’t always an option. Living in separate cities works best for couples who can spend weekends together and whose separation has an expiration date.

I have listed possible advantages and disadvantages of weekend marriages below. If you find yourself in this position, remember you aren’t alone, and it can benefit your marriage in ways that will continue even after you reunite.

Pros

1. Spices up the relationship. A tired relationship can be rejuvenated when partners feel excited to see each other after a long work week and share quality time together. When couples go out Friday night, sleep in together Saturday morning and enjoy breakfast in bed, it feels like a vacation. Spouses report feeling closer intimately as they explore new places together.

2. Reduces fighting. You don’t spend as much time together; therefore, you don’t argue about the day-to-day nuisances. Additionally, if you begin an argument on the weekend, there is greater urgency to end it quickly to avoid sabotaging your whole weekend together.

3. Increases appreciation. It’s easy to take each other for granted when you see them every day, but when you live on your own during the week, you begin to see clearly all the little things they do that make you feel special and loved.

Cons

1. Trust issues will make this arrangement difficult. When partners spend most of their week alone, trust issues and insecurities can create problems. Weekend marriages rely on each partner trusting the other. If one spouse cheated in the past or one partner is overly jealous, this lifestyle can cause relationship strain.

2. Parenting consistency can become an issue. If the couple has children, the parent who stays with them throughout the week may begin leaving their spouse out of day-to-day decisions for the children. The away parent can begin feeling abandoned by his/her children and distant from them. Additionally, children may experience behavioral and emotional regressions if they feel abandoned by a parent. Ensuring both parents are up to date with the children and helping to raise them must become a priority.

3. Personal time is reduced or eliminated. When you live apart, your life becomes busier. Fitting in kids’ schedules around your work week and packing mean less "me" time for spending time with friends, running personal errands, or enjoying quiet time alone. This can make life feel more rushed and stressful.

Although an option for some couples, weekend marriages don’t work well for everyone. It requires a strong marriage foundation to support a couple living in separate cities, and not everyone is willing to give up their lifestyle together for a chance at a better job and more money. The best advisement for couples considering this option is to discuss the specifics of how long you’ll live apart, how frequently you can meet, and what this job will offer your marriage regarding financial security and building a stronger emotional connection. No job or monetary reward is worth losing the love and commitment of a spouse. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can alleviate a lot of marriage stress, conflict, and anxiety about the future. If together you decide your marriage foundation is sufficiently strong, then trying this arrangement for 3 to 6 months could turn into a marital adventure of a lifetime!