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'Green flags' to look for in a romantic relationship
Do you have a strong relationship that can stand the test of time? Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini shares five "green flags" you can detect in a healthy, committed, and honest relationship.
When dating someone new, it’s difficult to definitively discern if they are the right one to commit your life to. Or perhaps you’ve been dating for a while and question if the strength of your relationship is resilient enough to make the commitments necessary to preserve its vitality and fortitude.
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There are no assurances in love, and solely allowing your heart to lead the way can be disastrous.
But relationship experts agree that there are positive indicators you should look for in a healthy relationship and describe them as "green flags."
QUESTION: Are you carrying your share of the emotional labor for your relationship?
There are many healthy signs you can detect in a healthy committed and honest relationship, but these five are non-negotiable.
- You and your partner don’t play head games with each other. When you’re in a healthy relationship you can be completely honest and transparent with your feelings. Your actions follow your words; therefore, your partner has no need to question your true meaning or intention.
- You can disagree with your partner without fearing consequences. Conflict is part of a healthy relationship, and you shouldn’t worry that your partner will leave you or retaliate when you’re honest with them. Engaging in tit-for-tat or the silent treatment does not constitute a healthy relationship. Feeling close, even in disagreement, is a green flag, and this sense of security reinforces the fact that your relationship is more important than winning an argument.
- Your partner supports your personal growth. In a healthy relationship, your partner encourages your growth. They do not feel threatened by what your work or fret over who makes more money. They believe in you and encourage you to successfully chase your goals.
- Your partner engages in their own interests, separate from you. Not all interests overlap. Your partner should express individual interests rather than depending on you to entertain them or keep them company. To foster a healthy relationship, each partner requires personal space to nurture their independent interests and continue to grow in that area. Relationships without separate interests grow dull and lack motivation to move forward.
- Your partner takes your recommendations seriously. When your partner listens to you and seriously considers your feedback, a green flag flies as an illustration of the respect they harbor for your intelligence and life experiences. A healthy relationship demands both partners to respect each other. Listening to each other and evaluating their responses demonstrates the value you place on them.
When you recognize these green flags in your relationship, it’s important to verbalize your observations to your partner. Discussing the elements you appreciate about the green flags can guide you to create more of what you want together.
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Healthy relationships are created, not given, and working together can help you create a relationship you both love being part of.