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What to do when your relationship feels one-sided
Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini discusses the red flags to look for if you’re unhappy in your relationship and feeling as though everything falls on you.
In all relationships there will be times when you feel as though you are doing it all. Whether it’s an illness or career change, sometimes you have to take on more so your partner can attend to unexpected changes. Usually these times are temporary, and you can see the end in sight. But what happens when your relationship is always one-sided? Marriage experts warn us that when one partner has to do it all, it leads to incredible stress and resentment that will unravel the relationship.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship and feeling as though everything falls on you, here are red flags to look for:
1. Your priorities are different than your partner’s. If you’re investing all of your time and money into the relationship while your partner is investing all their money and time on themselves, what you value and prioritize is clearly not the same.
2. You are putting more effort into making the relationship work. Do you plan the dates, childcare, and complete all the chores while your partner watches TV, flips through their phone, or plays video games? Both partners must put in effort to create a healthy relationship.
3. Your partner is controlling. Does your partner refuse to give personal space or time to spend time with family and friends? Insecure partners are controlling, and they try to limit their partners from having friends. A controlling partner tries to control how you dress, your environment, and how you act.
4. You find yourself making excuses for your partner. Do you make excuses for your partner not showing up or helping out? Your partner may not respect what’s important for you or the relationship.
Think you may be in a lopsided relationship? Tell your partner the truth about how you feel. Understand your partner may get defensive when they hear that you are frustrated with living in a lop-sided relationship. Be prepared to cite examples so they can understand. A healthy partner should be concerned and want to make changes. If they become defensive or accusing, it’s important for you to realize this is an unhealthy relationship. Be willing to go to therapy and, under a therapist’s guidance, consider leaving the relationship. Unless your partner is willing to change their behavior and prioritize your relationship, it may be best to move on. Healthy, loving relationships aren’t made in heaven; they’re created by two people equally invested in the relationship. They work together to reflect their commitment and love for each other.