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Dear Mary Jo,
My mother broke my trust. How can I go about restoring that trust?
Thank you, Jordan
Dear Jordan,
Restoring trust between you and your mom is important, and I encourage you to take these steps to repair the damage.
• Set up the meeting. It’s a good idea to make a date to meet with your mom. Have an idea or message written down or rehearsed about what you want to say. Make the place a private place that’s not threatening. A coffee shop or park are wonderful places. Start the conversation being grateful you both care enough to take time to rebuild relationship.
• Have the conversation and stay open to what is said and heard. Sometimes the pain is unbearable and you want your mom to know better and say she’s sorry. However, unless you listen, you won’t understand why she chose to do what she did. 90 percent of parents who have trouble with trust in relationships with their children were raised with chaotic and mistrustful families. This is not your fault, but it is important that you understand in order to move forward.
• Take steps forward. The surest way forward is to begin spending time with your mom. Casual and short activities, such as walks, dinners, going to movies together, are opportunities to build the trust bond again. Be careful with your heart; when you feel the need to pull back, talk to her about it. You don’t have to give her your whole heart right away, but it is important that you begin taking small steps toward forgiveness and healing.
Hey Mary Jo,
I work full-time with my fiancée and we have a great relationship. What are some boundaries you think inappropriate to cross or guidelines when you’re working together and in a relationship?
Thanks, Wendy
Dear Wendy,
With more and more couples working together and social media blurring the lines between work and home, my best advice is to set your relationship boundaries first. Hold these boundaries with the higher priority. It may seem like you have more time together, but work time is not a replacement for sharing intimacy and playing together. Working together heightens the potential for conflict. Here are three suggestions to help you preparing and communicate:
1. Avoid work stress spilling over into your relationship by addressing problems at work. Deal with work disagreements as they happen at work. Likewise, if something happens at home, such as dishes left in the sink, deal with it at home and don’t bring it to work.
2. Fight fair. Conflict is an important part of every relationship. It adds to the chemistry of attraction, and it helps keep your love life alive. Happy couples need to learn how to disagree and argue and feel valued with what they bring to the table.
3. Take a break when you need one away from your significant other. It’s only natural to need some time alone when you’re spending so much time together. Don’t feel guilty; a getaway revives your marriage as well as your business.