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Beware of 'future faking' this holiday season
Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini explains what a "future faker" is and explains the dating practices they tend to use.
The holidays are a prime time for singles to connect and find a partner they can share the holiday festivities with. Online dating and dating apps are more popular and convenient. Since there are more events and parties during the holidays, it makes it easy to move more quickly in the relationship. While you may have heard of "cuffing," where people set an intention to find someone only for the holidays, it’s actually "future faking" that should make you wary.
Future fakers rely on a fast connection. Early in the relationship, they talk about how close they feel to you and begin planning a future. They are manipulative and will say anything to convince you that they and the real thing. It can be financially and emotionally devastating, especially during the holidays where they are meeting your family and friends. If you think your new partner is possibly a future faker, below are 3 dating practices they tend to use.
1. They have accelerated timing. If your partner is making big promises about the future and overwhelming you with the details before you’ve been dating six months, that’s a red flag.
2. Their actions don’t match their words. Future fakers rarely follow-through on their promises. For example, if your partner is promising that your Christmas gift is an exotic beach vacation or a cabin in the mountains, ask them if they have the place booked. If you don’t see an itinerary, don’t be sucked into their manipulative tactic.
3. They primarily talk to you on social media or text instead of face-to-face. Texting and social media are easy and convenient; they don’t really require the sacrifice of your time or energy. It’s also easy to say romantic words and make big promises behind a screen. If they cannot or will not meet you face-to-face, that is a blaring red flag.
If you’re starting a new relationship this holiday season, here are four suggestions to keep you safe from future faking.
1. Take things slowly. When a new partner tries to talk you into something too soon or without concern for your feelings, that is a red flag. It isn’t exciting, and it isn’t emotionally mature. Don’t let them take advantage of you. Exit their plan. Better to go home for Christmas by yourself than with a future faker.
2. Set your standards higher. Instead of wanting someone of a particular height, charm, or style, go deeper and find someone who practices respect and integrity and prioritizes you and your relationship. Future fakers are successful because they find people who are looking at superficial qualities.
3. Hold them to their word. If your partner makes promises to meet you at a holiday event, hold them accountable. If they don’t show up, don’t continue engaging with them.
4. Stay in the real world. Future fakers create an illusion of romance and fantasy. The holiday season is magical, but romance with a future faker isn’t. It isn’t real, and it’s based on manipulative lies. A healthy relationship is when two emotionally mature people are equally invested in creating a relationship together. It requires you talk face to face and be responsible for your actions and promises.
Future fakers are self-centered and occasionally narcissistic. A relationship with this type of person will fill your life with constant turmoil and stress. If you begin feeling as though your partner is manipulating you, end the relationship early and don’t look back.